For 30 years I have been hunting for the truth, and in those years, there is nothing more elusive than trying to expose the truth about those damn Gray Aliens. People have been making claims for many years that they have seen them hovering in the sky over their trailer park to being physically anal probed. Now, I do not doubt their claims, especially the anal probing (more on that in a future post) but most of the confirmed sightings are at the southern border.
My sources have been telling me the Gray Aliens have been mobilizing south of the border for decades. It appears they are landing their space craft’s at the border and using the cartel to smuggle them into the country. In Washington, the politicians are either too busy fighting the war on drugs or turning our men into little girls. They are blinded by their feelings and are missing the massive alien invasion that is happening at the border. It was for this reason, I decided to run for office and get elected as your representative. We are now working to stop the Gray invasion that is destroying our country!
Now why are the Gray Aliens invading America? I have a few theories, and we will go through them now. My first theory is that the Gray’s are coming to America for a better life. You see, Planet Gray is becoming overpopulated and there is hyperinflation. Their currency is worthless and all the resources being are monopolized creating artificial scarcity on everything. Further, all jobs have been replaced with artificial intelligence and everyone is unemployed. With no jobs and a worthless currency, the few Grays that can afford it have been searching the universe for a new home. The Grays were aware of a few habitable planets, but there was one in particular that had great potential for a new life, America. The Grays have been passing by regularly for centuries, but very few thought to make it their home. However, the Grays made a secret deal with the U.S. government, where they would allow some of the Grays to immigrate to America in exchange for intelligence on how to create a nuclear bomb. This was in the 1940’s and the Allies were fighting the Nazis and Japanese and they needed a super weapon to win the war. The deal worked and the Allies won the war by dropping nuclear bombs on Japan. After the war, there was just one problem, there were too many Grays immigrating to America and people were becoming suspicious. In 1947 when an unauthorized Gray Alien tried to enter the country and crashed landed, the government got nervous and reneged on the deal and banned all Grays from entering the country.
No longer allowed to enter America, the Grays made a deal with the Soviet Union to give them the nuclear plans in exchange for asylum. They soon learned this would be a terrible deal as the Soviet Union was a terrible place to live and significantly worse than living back home on planet Gray. After making a few more bad deals in exchange of nuclear weapons, the Grays realized America is the only place they can live. This takes us to our current situation at the border. You see, they have realized that they don’t need to enter the country legally in exchange for advance weaponry, they can smuggle themselves across the border. With the help of the cartels, the Grays have been entering the country illegally taking all the jobs from Americans!
The second part of this theory is related to every American’s favorite light beer, Schwanz Light. If you ever looked into the history of Schwanz Light, you would be aware of the fact the founder, Hanz Schwanz was not born in America; he wasn’t even born on this planet! They say he was born in what is modern day Germany, but if you ever saw a portrait of him, you will notice he doesn’t look German at all. The truth is, he is a Gray Alien that was orphaned and adopted by a German family. Don’t let the clothing fool you, under that 18th century garment and powder wig is a god damn Gray Alien. Now I don’t doubt the rest of the history about him is true, but the one thing that is left out of the history books is that he was also an original founding father. While he did not sign the constitution, he was instrumental in freeing us from British rule. This is part of the reason why the Gray Aliens want to immigrate to America.
Chet Gleason
Truth Hunter
