Three months ago, my Cousin Harold’s fancy automobile was stolen right off his driveway while he was sleeping. The police said the thieves broke into his car with some fancy device that can bypass the car’s security system. The police officer said more of these devices are becoming easy to find online and stolen cars have increased exponentially. The day after buying his new car with his insurance money, the thieves returned and stole his new car. When he filed a second claim to the insurance company, they said they will have to increase his insurance by 5000% seeing him as a liability. No longer able to afford insurance with the current company, he has tried getting insurance with other companies who have either said no or are require him to pay stupidly high premiums.
He no longer can afford a car and has now reluctantly been taking his bicycle to work. He lost his parking spot at work so someone else that has a car can park there and he has to now chain his bicycle to a lamp post so it doesn’t get stolen. His co-workers now make fun of him and he is really depressed because he is limited in where he can now travel without a car. The scary thing is that after a month of riding his bicycle, he started to like it. He started to make new friends at work, drinking lattes, craft beer and eat soy products. Even worse, he went from being a fiscally conservative capitalist to discussing the benefits of universal basic income and living off of the government paycheck. The last time I saw him, he was wearing a damn Che Guevara t-shirt. I couldn’t believe it; in just a few months my cousin Harold has become a god dam leftist. You know who I blame for this down fall, those damn Grey Aliens!
This has been happing for years and the Gray Aliens are pulling the strings in an effort to make all Americans leftists. The Grays have been using their advanced technology to create devices to break in to vehicles so they can be easily stolen. By making car theft very accessible and easy to do, the insurance companies are forced to increase their premiums so high that they can no longer afford a car, forcing people to use an alternative form of transportation such as a bicycle. If you are riding a bike as your primary vehicle of transportation, you become less ambitious as you are limited in where you can travel. With an automobile, you can go almost anywhere and the Grays do not want this. This is why cities have become overrun with dumb leftist cyclists so they can limit their movement across America and keep them in influential cities. This is why I prefer to live in the country where the Grays can’t influence me by stealing my cars and forcing me to ride a bicycle because I cannot afford the insurance anymore. I will not submit to the Gray idea and allow them to make me soft and stupid. Everything I have discussed so far is related to the Grays plan to invade and take over America! They have been infiltrating our government since the 40’s and studying us to see what it will take to weaken America, including making people like my Cousin Harold a stupid bicycle riding leftist!
Chet Gleason
Truth Hunter
